OMD - Genetic Engineering: I've just read yet another interview where Andy McCluskey mentions his seat number at the Liverpool Empire whilst attending Kraftwerk's 1975 gig (the same night as Wings - in the same city!) and how that night changed his life. I wouldn't mind but I was reading Middlemarch at the time. I've said it before, but OMD's 'Electricity' is (still) astonishing, and I really liked their 1981 'Bob and Carol' album, but perhaps they should have called it quits on a high. This is almost unlistenable. 0/10

Jennifer Warnes/Joe Cocker - Up Where We Belong: you'd have to have a heart of stone not to listen to this without a tear running down your leg. Gambaccini - who's lived in London for well over fifty years - described this as coming from "the movie 'An Officer an a Gennelman'". I caught the last half hour of An Officer and a Gennelman on ITV4 the other week and it was much, much worse than I remembered (and that was bad). I've never forgiven Richard Gere for refusing to get his hair cut for Terence Malick's beautiful 'Days of Heaven'. And for his performance in Pretty Woman. And for all of the rest of his films. 0/10

Icehouse - Hey Little Girl: when Japan got famous, David Sylvian was accused of appropriating Bryan Ferry's fashion style and vocals; when Icehouse hit the charts, their singer Iva Davies was accused of 'doing a David Sylvian'. A nice electropop song, nevertheless. 6/10

Bananarama - Kiss Him Goodbye: there's always at least one song in these charts which inspired a football hooligan chant. This is a cover of Steam's (not terribly good) original and was indicative of an act who'd do anything for success. A pity that 'Cheers Then' (their one great song) failed to chart. This is dross - but nowhere near as bad as their PWL phase. 0/10

Patti Austin and James Ingram - Baby, Come to Me: OK - if you like that sort of thing. 6/10

Phil Everly/Cliff Richard - She Means Nothing to Me: Phil had sex with his brother's wife. He was the Ryan Giggs of Pop music. Cliff gives off an aura of trustworthiness akin to John Terry. Phil and Cliff once made a song together. The stress on each individual word in the chorus of this song should have lent itself to a decent football hooligan chant. 3/10

Kajagoogoo - Too Shy: although it's going down the charts, Gambaccini plays his old boyfriend's song. Plus ça change at the highly dodgy Radio 2. Always liked the "You're moving in circles - won't you dilate?" line, and it's a great production from Nick Rhodes. Kajagoogoo had the worst band name in pop - until The Snuts came along. 6/10

Toto - Africa: an authentic, all-encompassing flavour of the continent - in one four minute pop song! I always thought the line was "rising like a leopard above the Serengeti". It won a Grammy. 2/10

Forest - Rock the Boat: I remember them playing this at Dale Street's über-trendy State Ballroom. It was the beginning of the end. 0/10

Michael Jackson - Billy Jean: the most overrated pop song of the early 80s from a pop star as creepy as anybody this fair land of ours has mustered.  6/10

Spandau Ballet - Communication: Everything's going dark... I don't think I can go on.... 0/10

Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams: I was amazed that 'Love is a Stranger' failed as it had everything - including an ace video. This is a bit of a drone. 4/10

The Thompson Twins - Love On Your Side: I quite like a few of their singles and saw them when they were an overstaffed radical left-wing combo in the early 80s, but I'm not overfond of this. 4/10

Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart: splendid pop band Big Moon did a cover of this when I last saw them. It was an unimaginable lowlight of what had been a decent evening. A terrible song from the Meatloaf/Jim Steinman family, often used by wacky 'creatives' in 'irony heavy' TV adverts, and one of the worst number one songs of the 80s. Horrible. 0/10

Gambaccini - 'Officer and a Gennelman' and Limahl crimes taken into consideration. 0/10

Programme as a whole: Terrible. 1/10. 

Best song: N/A - Orange Juice were number 21. It wasn't played (not while there's Limahl's records to be played!) so it's this week's link. (Click on the pic below to hear the song.)

Worst song: Spandau Ballet

And remember: it's only pop music!