Supertramp - The Logical Song

The subject of one of Harry Hill's best jokes, The Logical Song is a drippy, hippy, slice of pseudo-intellectual nonsense, but fairly pleasant at forty years' distance.

6/10

If anyone is wondering, my scoring system is based on the Sunday People's football player performance rating system from the 70s and 80s.

10 Out of this world

9 Excellent

8 Very good

7 Good

6 Average

5 Below average

4 Stinker

Four was essentially nought, and a 'real' nought to three was never awarded.

In - which - case:

3 Shite

2 Really shite

1 Showaddywaddy

0 Racey

Lene (later) - 7/10 = good

Kandidate - I Don't Wanna Lose You

Featuring future solo star Phil Fearon, IDWLY is a little repetitive, but also a lovely, late-night soul track for those you find themselves yearning. 7/10

The Cars - Just What I Needed

Not the coolest looking band, but this is OK, and easily their best song. (With the hideous Drive at the other end of the spectrum.) 7/10

The Cars - wools

Sister Sledge - He's The Greatest Dancer

I would have liked to have seen a supergroup featuring The Edge, David Gedge, members of Red Wedge, Sister Sledge and Varney (Reg). 6/10

The Jam - Strange Town

Working part-time these days, I often find myself alone in the house and singing along to music as I perform the tasks expected of a lonely but dutiful housewife. Many of my vocal impressions tend to dissipate into poor parodies of my chosen record's original singer, but if on the rare occasions I'm playing The Jam, I invariably find myself singing 'as' Harry H. Corbett or Watford manager Roy Hodgson. Others in my vocal armoury include Henry Cooper, Max Bygraves and Kirk Douglas/Burt Lancaster. I only became aware of this phenomenon after accidentally pressing the video function of my phone and recording myself singing The Jam's In the Crowd as Harold Steptoe.

Tragic, really.

Strange Town? Just brilliant. 10/10

The Jam (1982)  - Rick (left) and Bruce (centre) try to persuade Paul to stay.

Racey - Some Girls

Jesus, I f***ing hate this song. 0/10

The Players Association - Turn the Music Up

A tremendous, life-affirming and underrated piece of late 70s disco/soul. 8/10

Dire Straits - Sultans of Swing

Jesus, I f***ing hate this song. 0/10

Lene Lovich - Lucky Number

I sing the intro to this 'as' rugby league commentating giant Eddie Waring. I so need to modernise my impression repertoire, I really do. The Barron Knights later created a racist parody of this fine but bizarre song on one of their tawdry, shitty, 'comedy mash-up' records later in the year. 7/10

F--- off, Racey.

Squeeze - Cool For Cats

Did this last year. Sexism and vile female objectification in records (and anywhere else in life) can just fuck right off. 0/10

Sex Pistols - Something Else

Crap but also great. A rare feat. 8/10

Chic - I Want Your Love

Not my favourite Chic track, but they're so effortlessly classy, so a 7/10

Art Garfunkel - Bright Eyes

I think I've 'done' Art's/Mike Batt's dull, but not uninteresting metaphysical treatise on death at least a couple of times now. I wish the late Joe Gladwyn had covered this song. 

5/10

Village People - In the Navy

Did this last year - I wish 'Gambo' and the BBC would choose different months for their thrice-yearly 1979 jaunts.

A silly song, but anything that made homophobes fulminate is OK by me. 6/10

Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

Some people seem to get really pissed off when I tell them that IWS is a great record. They're usually fans of skinny white indie bands or serious groups like Led Zep and Arcade Fire.

Fuck 'em.

(Puts on pink spandex and roller boots. And lippy.) 8/10