Pick of the Pops 67 June 11th 1986

 

Lovebug Starski - Amityville (The House on the Hill)
Like Russ Abbott making a 'Horror Rap' song on his estimable Madhouse programme.
Six parts Bobby 'Boris' Pickett, one part the Barron Knights, three parts general rubbishness. Extra point awarded for William Shatner impression half way through. 3/10
 
Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine - Bad Boy
I'd forgotten what a lovely voice Gloria Estefan has. In fact I'd forgotten about this song, and what Gloria looked like. (A bit like a Ferris Bueller-era Jennifer Grey's slightly older sister  - in the Bad Boys video, anyway.) Covid has definitely damaged my brain.A rather nice pop song from the shite-beyond-belief, cretin's favourite movie Three Men and a Baby. 7/10
 

AHA - Hunting High and Low

I'd forgotten what a lovely voice young Horton Market has. But I hadn't forgotten about this song. What a ball-aching, never-ending unleashing of pretentious and tedious misery. 2/10

Genesis - Invisible Touch

'Modern' Genesis again. Though fairly artless compared to their earlier albums, I don't mind Invisible Touch (and I genuinely like Throwing It All Away from the album), but it's all a bit 'fast food' and if Phil Collins's 'urgent' voice doesn't get on your tits after thirty or so seconds, you're probably already dead 5/10

 

Anytime I start feeling any magnanimity towards Phil and the guys, I just think of Phil and the guys doing their 'funny walk' from the hideous 'I/We Can't Dance' video.

Works every time, believe me.

Pet Shop Boys - Opportunities

"I got the bread,

You got the cheese;

Let's make loads of

Sarnies."

Minor PSB is (still) quite good. 7/10

Falco - Vienna Calling

The former Tottenham Hotspurs forward tries once again to recreate his Rock Me Amadeus hit with predictable near-miss results. This is vaguely OK in a Europop sort of way, but nowhere near as good as his genuinely great Der Kommisar hit. 4/10

Patti Labelle and Malcolm 'Michael' MacDonald - On My Own

The former Luton Town, Fulham, Newcastle and Arsenal striker adds his lustrous tones to Patti Labelle's beautiful vocals for a classy, but spirit crushing four minutes of tedium.

The original, much better British version - 'On My Tod' (featuring Paul Shane and MC Queenie Watts) failed to chart.  4/10

"....and I wish I could have 

All she has got -

Wish I could be like 

Queenie Watts!"

Jaki Graham - Set Me Free

Gambaccini pronounced her surname as 'Grurm' in his introduction to this badly produced, cluttered, racket of a single. Ms Grarm (as he produced her surname subsequently) deserved better. 2/10

The Real Thing - Can't Get By Without You (86 Remix)

Great singer (Eddy Amoo), good song (although it rips off a song from the 1958 version of Tom Thumb), crappy re-mix. 7/10

Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love

I quite like Robert's 1980 album Clues.

This is FUCKING HORRIBLE. 0/10

Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer

As I've got much older, I grown to quite like some of Peter Gabriel's early Genesis stuff.

This is FUCKING HORRIBLE. 0/10

 

"...and they're all SHIT - especially the sexist's song and Mr Plasticine Video Guy's "tribute to Atlantic and Stax"!

Nu Shooz - I Just Can't Wait

Surprisingly slinky and ace. A good song and a brilliant, sparse production. Most of 1986 is just like some sort of abuse memory as far as I'm concerned, so no wonder things buried seem strange once unearthed. Can't imagine why Nu Shooz have been forgotten. 7/10
 
Simply Red - Holding Back the Years
A friend of mine pointed out that we'd seen the Frantic Elevators (Hucknall's original band) at Eric's in the late seventies. I doubted this, but he'd kept a gig diary and my name was in there as his 'gig partner' (along with 'I really wish I could reveal my true feelings for Stephen - not only is he the cleverest person I'm ever likely to meet, he's also the biggest, funkiest ginger sex machine I'm ever likely to meet as well.')
God, I despise this record. 0/10
 
Doctor and the Medics - Spirit in the Sky
1986 was a bad year for number one records and this is no exception. A pointless remake from the likeable but rubbish D and the M's, and an inexplicable number one. Good song, though. 3/10
 
Gambaccini - Jaki Grarm and Robert Pollmer will live long in my indemnity bank. 0/10
 
Programme as a whole: Pete Wylie had gone down one place; it could have made all the difference. 1/10
 
Worst: Palmer/Gabriel
 
Best: i didn't want to do this chart as it's, well...1986.
Hardly anything worth bothering about and a surfeit of dross. Nu Shooz' I Just Can't Wait is the best record, but Gloria was a pleasant uplifting surprise, so TMSM it is.
 
A good chart on it's way next week - it's 1979.
 
Click on the link to hear the song