Ray Parker Jr - Ghostbusters: imagine ripping off Huey Lewis for a hit song? Terrible song. Terrible film. 1/10

Phil Collins - Sussudio: imagine ripping off a Studio Line hair care product advert for a hit record? Or trying to replicate the genius of Prince's 1999? Horrible. 0/10

Bryan Adams - Run To You : imagine ripping off (early sixties song) 'Poison Ivy' for a hit single's chorus? The Evo-Stik League Springsteen's first hit. One of those songs that never seems to end. 1/10

Billy Ocean - Lover Boy: Billy Ocean is the coolest looking 71 year old in the world and is evidently a lovely fellow. I just wish I liked his music. 2/10

James Ingram/Michael McDonald - Yah Mo Be There: I quite like MM - especially his Steely Dan work - but this tribute to Britain's best-loved 1970s impressionist tries too hard. 4/10

Bruce Springsteen - Dancing in the Dark: good pop song. 7/10

Madonna - Like a Virgin: my favourite Madonna incarnation. A splendid pop song, but I could never believe that major league baddies* could ever sit round a table deconstructing its lyrics, as they do in Reservoir Dogs.
*Including real-life villains Lawrence Tierney and Edward Bunker (whose novel 'The Animal Factory' is a near-masterpiece). 7/10

Russ Abbott - Atmosphere: it's traditional to do the 'Joy Division' joke at this point. A rubbish song, but not hateful like the Phil Collins effort. 0/10

Ashford and Simpson: Solid: two great writers decide to sing their own song. A scally (girls') classic. 9/10

Tears for Fears - Shout: parent album 'Songs From the Big Chair' used to be THE 'we'll never sell this' vinyl album found in charity shops. Given the way the old skool 'upper' classes pronounce the diphthong found in 'Shout', I'd really like to hear Prince Philip's version of this song. (Intellectual/linguistic gag of the week.) 2/10

King - Love and Pride: I met Paul King once. He was a lovely fellow. Hard not to think of kitchen cleanser 'Oven Pride' when hearing this song, though. 7/10

Prince - 1999: fooking tremendous! 10/10

Elaine Page/Barbara Dickson - I Know Him So Well: it was only through watching the BBC4 Gerry Rafferty documentary last week that I remembered that Barbara Dickson has such a beautiful voice. Years of Two Ronnies guest spots and badly chosen songs seem to have withered the memory, unfortunately. This is hideous. 0/10

Foreigner -  I Want to Know What Love Is: the sort of song Jeremy Clarkson puts on when he's in the mood for love. 0/10

Programme as a whole: it's indicative of why some people hate the eighties more than any decade. 2/10
Gambaccini: He''s described as 'The Great Gambo' on the POTP website. I beg to differ. 2/10
Worst Song: rich pickings this week, but Phil Collins just edges it.
Best Song: Prince Rogers 'Sammy' Nelson (Click on pic for song. ) 

Full version on the website later this week.
And remember kids: it's only pop music*, so don't get in a nark!

*And films! Ghostbusters is rubbish, and I was made up when they brought out that all-female version a couple of years ago - just to irk the 'purists'. Ghostbusters' only saving grace is that it's not The Goonies - now that really IS shite!