Noel Gallagher on Gambaccini duties.

It's long been my contention that May 1979 was the strongest and best chart pop month of the entire 70s, but it's a weak start, and due to the fluctuations of this week's Top 40, there's some garbage on show today.

Anita Ward - Ring My Bell: when I worked at the Olympia Mecca bingo in Liverpool's bohemian Kensington district in 1979, we were called to our posts with a cheesy record called 'Bingo! I'm in Love'. And then 'they' replaced it with Wardy's dreary future number one. It just showed me that all suffering is relative. 3/10

ELO - Shine a Little Love: shame on me, but I quite enjoyed this. I think I'm developing a Stockholm Syndrome attachment to the Farm Foods Fab Four/Bejam Beatles/Matalan Moptops. Worrying. 5/10

McFadden and Whitehead - Ain't No Stopping Us Now: this is the sort of scally girl disco I normally like, but it's a bit too 'building society ad' for my liking. 5/10

Eruption - One Way Ticket: unfortunately Amii Stewart's 'Knock on Wood' was on its way down, so this is nominally the replacement. I loved Eruption's 'I Can't Stand the Rain', but this is a bit Boney M. 4/10

The Shadows - Theme From 'The Deerhunter': Jebus, who bought this shite? 0/10

The Police - Roxanne: just stop. 1/10

ABBA - Does Your Mother Know? Lyrically as creepy as sin, and sung by the froggy faced one; it's such a pity that such an ace (sounding) pop song fails because of its lyrical shiteyness (see also Arrival's 'Dum Dum Diddle'. 4/10

Art Garfunkel - Bright Eyes: unlikely football hooligan classic/metaphysical treatise on life and death. 3/10

Donna Summer - Hot Stuff: there are twelve Donna vinyl albums in my collection - this is her most commercially successful. Not fussed. 5/10

David Bowie - Boys Keep Swinging: on Monday (31.5.21) I'll be performing my poem 'It's Gary Numan, Dad' in front of a pissed-up, Bank Holiday crowd in a church bombed by the Luftwaffe, and left pretty much untouched as a shrine to the vileness of nationalism. I can't wait. It's worth reading about the genesis of this song, and how Brian Eno's suggestions led to David's band all swapping instruments to create something 'different'. A  brilliant single - the soundtrack to my youth, and the song which occasioned the gender-examining 'Gary Numan' poem I'll be performing on the day. 10/10

Peaches and Herb - Reunited: a classic, bum-clutching 'slowie'. There were nights I'd go home in 1979 and my arse would look like I'd been on a date with Wolverine. 9/10

Earth Wind and Fire and The Emotions - Boogie Wonderland: possibly the most evil, sociopathic person I've ever met reckoned this was their favourite song. It's the equivalent of finding out that your new partner has had sex with Ian Rush, Michael Gove or one of the Labour stab-in-the-backs like Margaret Hodge or Tom Watson. An astonishing single. 10/10

M - Pop Music: "New York, London, Paris, Burnage' quips Noel. An outstanding single. 10/10

Roxy Music - Dance Away: loads of people hate Roxy 2. I don't.
Bob Dylan would have killed for 'You're dressed to kill - and guess who's dying?"
A fantastic single. 10/10

Blondie - Sunday Girl: not their best obviously, but when it all comes down, it's Blondie. Legendarily prompting Siouxsie to declare "Is she going to release every f*****g song off the album?" Iive on Radio One, SG is second from bottom of my favourite Blondie singles. But still OK. 6/10

Noel: 9/10
Best Song: David
Worst: Hank Marvin
Programme as a whole: 8/10

Click on the pic to hear the song: