Dire Straits - Twisting By The Pool

it's not just the horrible noise this single is generating, it's the condescending, multimillionaire sneering at the gaucheness of the working classes-'ness' that really boils my piss here. Knopfler has one of the worst voices of any popular singers I can think of.

Shit. 0/10

Laura Branigan - Gloria

I used to think this an inconsequential piece of fluff, but it turned up on whatever crappy commercial station I was flicking through on the car radio during the one day of sunshine we had last summer - and it sounded ACE. 8/10

Belle Stars - Sign of the Times

Good pop single. Point deducted for the line: "We're strong in bed - you're weak in love". Should be two points, but the smell of Dire Straits is finally clearing. 7/10

Dionne Warwick - All the Love in the World

Not as good as 'Heartbreaker', but then again, what is? Dionne and Barry on fine form. 

And would you pronounce her surname as 'Wor-wick' or 'as in the West Midlands city'? Bizarrely, your choice of pronunciation will mirror exactly whether you voted to stay in Europe or whether you're just a c**t. 7/10

Incantation - Cachapaya

My girlfriend at this time had actually bought the album from which this derived, and once when I went round to her house, she (proudly) showed me the Andes/alpaca/Inca socks (with toes) she'd bought from a Peruvian mail order company.

That relationship didn't last.

3/10

Malcolm McLaren - Buffalo Girls

Talented fellow makes decent record. 7/10

Madness - Our House

Did this one last year. Still great. 8/10

The Stranglers - European Female

Lovely single from an often brilliant band. My two experiences of seeing The Stranglers live (in the early days) remain as grim a musical memory as I can muster. 8/10

Joe Jackson - Steppin' Out

Three Top 10 singles - all excellent.

And this is best. The first time I went to New York this song kept playing in my head. Job done. 9/10

The Maisonettes - Heartache Avenue

In my youth, I didn't like this song because of its try-too-hard faux-Motown sound, and - more importantly - the main man was such a badly-dressed middle-aged WOOL. It was (sort of) alright when I heard it yesterday. 6/10

David Essex - A Winter's Tale

This is rubbish - obviously - but it's David.

Shamefully, (I think) I've now seen Cockney hooligan film 'Guvnors' on three separate occasions. 3/10

Eddy Grant - Electric Avenue

This is OK, but I wouldn't want to listen to it through choice. 5/10

Wah! - The Story of the Blues

The Bruce Springsteen of Aigburth Road. I've been hoping to get Pete down to The Mansion to tell his rock and roll tales for a while(y) now, but to no avail. As yet. A brilliant record: uplifting, inspiring and just f***ing ace. Easily the single of the week. 10/10

Men At Work - Down Under

I don't like this single, but I'm one of the few people who loves (yes, loves) the follow up 'Overkill'. It's a blind spot I've tried to illuminate for almost forty years now. 3/10

Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love

Age hasn't withered my dislike.

Everything about this song is hideous, but its video is really something else. I feel ill just thinking about it.

A pity, as I really enjoyed this week's programme. 0/10

Gambaccini - OK this week. 8/10

Programme as a Whole: 8/10

Best: Wylie

Worst: The Dire Straits monstrosity.

Click on the link to hear Pete!