Eric Clapton - Behind the Mask: - racist 'guitar hero' tries too hard. 1/10

Pepsi and Shirley - Heartache: sounding very much like the backing track of Wham's (ace) Everything She Wants (not surprising, really). Not very good, but at least it's not 'Clappo'. 3/10

Randy Crawford - Almaz: difficult not to sing Michael Palin's chained-up prisoner from Life of Brian to this: "Almaz...you lucky, lucky bastard." 3/10

The Bangles - Walking Down Your Street: a tremendous live band, but this sounds like a rip-off of Bananarama's Really Saying Something. 3/10

Curiosity Killed the Cat - Down to Earth: I've tried for 35 long years to dislike this record. 7/10

Siouxsie and the Banshees - This Wheel's On Fire: Siouxsie's almost my favourite pop star, but this is rubbish. I've got the album (for sad completist's sake), but when one of your favourite artists decides "Let's do a covers album!", the whiff of desperation is palpable. 3/10

UB40 - Rat in Mi Kitchen: see previous comment (but omit 'favourite pop star(s)' and 'favourite artists'). Terrible. 1/10

Dead or Alive - Something in My House: I loved Pete, but this is DOA by numbers, a hi-energy, PWL attempt to re-write 'You Spin Me Round', but without any inspiration whatsoever. 3/10

The Mission - Wasteland: nothing to see here. It's OK. 6/10

Iggy Pop - Real Wild Child: I don't know if I've heard this too often, or if I just never really liked it in the first place (and it's a cover), but I love Iguana Population, so... 7/10

The Style Council - It Didn't Matter: I'd almost forgotten about this. Quite pleasant, really. 6/10

Swing Out Sister - Surrender: I love SOS. 'It' s Better to Travel' is a great album, but (strangely enough), I always thought this one of the lesser tracks. 'Fooled by a Smile' should have been a number one. 7/10

Robbie Neville - C'est La Vie: hideous. 1/10

Alison Moyet - Is This Love? A tremendous pop song. I particularly like the linguistic (and vocal) dexterity of the chorus : "... and never would have been teasing me as viciously as these..." Point deducted for the Truck Driver's Gear Change towards the end. 7/10

Jackie Wilson - Reet Petite: just stop. 2/10

Belinda Carlisle - Heaven is a Place on Earth: I used to have a poster of Belinda (during her early Go-Go's days) on my bedroom wall. The common consensus/abuse I received was along the lines of 'Why have got HER up there? She's really fat!"
"More of me to love, then"/"You're talking about the woman I love!" /"F**k off" would be amongst my ripostes of choice. A good pop song and a decent video*, with Belinda as the sexiest cardie wearer in the history of rock and roll - until Kurt in 'Unplugged', and David Moyes in 'End of Season Conservatory'. 7/10

Steve 'Silk' Hurley - Jack Your Body: I can't say this is a favourite track, but I used to pretend to like it just to annoy the halfwit wool closet racists I worked with at the time. ("It's got no tune!"/" How are you** supposed to dance to that?") 7/10

*Directed by Diane Keaton, who featured in Sky Arts' normally excellent 'Remembering' series this week. They featured The Godfather, Annie Hall and Manhattan, but then jumped to the terrible The Good Mother without even mentioning 'Looking For Mr Goodbar' (which is a horrible but important film). I won't be watching that again.

**"Ist thee? "

Gambaccini: 6/10
Worst Song: UB40/Clapton/Neville
Best Song: slim pickings, but I like Corinne's haircut. (Click on pic to see the video.)