Jesus, it's 1985 again. I was at White Hart Lane on April 3rd 1985. Possibly Big Nev's finest save that night - although his Pauline conversion to all-round socialist good guy is far more important than anything he did in football.

Anyway, pop music...

The RAH Band - Clouds Across the Moon: a rare hybrid: chicken-in-the-basket pop meets sci-fi. Should be great. Isn't. 2/10
The Cool Notes - Spend the Night: bland, but OK Britfunk. 6/10
Glen Frey - The Heat Is On: 'Trading Places' excepted, Eddie Murphy films are truly horrific. Besides the linguistic homophonic possibilities of the title, this song is worse than all of Eddie's films combined (and that includes 'Eddie Murphy: Raw'). Yes, that bad. 0/10
Bruce Springsteen - Cover Me: why is he shouting so much? Rubbish. 1/10
Phyllis Nelson - Move Closer: ignore the creepy Tom Jones version, Phyllis's original is ace. What a voice! 8/10
Jaki Graham and David Grant: The Detroit Emeralds' original is just brilliant - and this is a more than an OK cover. 6/10
Paul Young - Every Time You Go Away: It's long been my contention that when Steve Martin shows (the homeless, widowed) John Candy round his palatial house at the end of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, it's an act of torture rather than kindness, but I'm prepared to accept I might be wrong on this. Suffice to say, I'm totally in the right when I say that the ten minutes of Martin's remake of The Pink Panther I witnessed during the half-time lull in the Wales v Czech Republic game the other night convinced me that it is the worst film I've ever seen*. Whatever convinced Martin that this was a good idea? What a twat.
God, this is an awful version of an awful song. 0/10
*Yes - worse than 'The 51st State'.
Nik Kershaw - Wide Boy: my goodness - this chart is shit! 0/10
Jermaine Jackson: Why Don't You? Jermaine spoils the memories of a million children (who held BBC Bristol studio's early morning TV classic in such high regard) with this dreary, mawkish number. 2/10
Go West - We Close Our Eyes: normally, this would be a big fat zero, but this chart is so bad this week that it's getting a point. 1/10
Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule The World: 'The Hurting' is a surprisingly good album. Didn't like 'Songs From The Big Chair', though. Or this. 2/10
Alison Moyet - That Ole Devil Called Love: my advice for anyone who likes this would be to go and listen to Billie Holiday's version. 4/10
Sarah Brightman and Paul Miles Kingston - Pie Jesu: FFS. 0/10
Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Welcome to the Pleasuredome: I'd forgotten how good this was - especially the subversion of Coleridge in the first line. And I'd heartily recommend Holly's splendid memoir 'A Bone in My Flute'. 7/10
Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey - Easy Lover: most weeks I'm celebrating the greatness of Philip Bailey's voice. Not this week. Why does this song remind me of Thatcher? I feel ill, now. 0/10

Programme as a whole: 1/10
Best Song: Move Closer
Worst: Collins and Bailey