January 2nd 1983 (Broadcast 2.2.21)

Men at Work - Down Under: parent album 'Cargo' spent 15 weeks at number one in the USA. Nightmare. 2/10

The Human League - Mirror Man: often claimed to be THL's 'Motown Single'. Could have fooled me. 5/10

Incantation - Cacharpaya: an ex-girlfriend of mine bought this (and the album) when it came out.
"It's not you, it's ME," I lied - pre-empting George Costanza's cowardly wheeze by almost twenty years. 2/10

The Jam - Beat Surrender: saw the Sky Arts' Jam documentary the other day. Superb. Beat Surrender is not their best song by any means, but it was important (for their heartbroken fans) for The Jam to go out on a straight-to-number-one single. 6/10

Wham! - Young Guns (Go For It): I love George, but this is hateful. 1/10

Buck's Fizz - If You Can't Stand the Heat - 0/10

Ultravox - Hymn: as preposterous as ever, and not as good as Rupert Holmes' version (English Grammar/minor chart hits Gag of the Day). Bonus point for having Oliver Tobias in the video. 2/10

Malcolm McClaren and the World Famous Supreme Team - Buffalo Gals: ace (apart from McClaren's bits - his vocals that is, and not his, y'know... bits. Which are horrid.). 8/10

Keith Harris - Orville's Song: forgot to tell my good friend Eugene my horrible Keith Harris story last time I saw him. 0/10

Culture Club - Time: quite nice. 7/10

Madness - Our House: although I have their first album (1979) on vinyl, I couldn't ever imagine buying any more of their music. But they were great at what they did, and the appearance of this song on The Young Ones' Sick episode makes me like them just that little bit more. "Sees them off with a small kiss" is a terrible line, though. 6/10

David Essex - A Winter's Tale: anyone with a soul loves David. This song was written by Mike Batt and Tim Rice. As turgid as a modern ITV drama. 2/10

PhilCollins: You Can't Hurry Love: just f**k off. 0/10

Renee and Renato: joking aside, this is the joint-worst UK number one (and there are five) of the eighties. Unspeakably awful. 0/10

Entire Show? Grim. 3/10

Gambaccini? Who are The Jaaaaaam?

Best Song? Slim pickings again, so it'll have to be McClaren. (Click on the image for song link.)

And don't forget, kids, it's only pop music - so don't take it personally!